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Heather Margiotta

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You are here: Home / Relationships / When To Know It’s Time To Say Goodbye To A Friendship

When To Know It’s Time To Say Goodbye To A Friendship

in Relationships on 10/25/18

Do you ever wonder if a friendship is even worth it anymore? You have one that requires a lot of work and you’re constantly feeling hurt from it. You have no clue if you should hang on and wait it out or if you should close the door and walk away.

I’ve shared with you before how good people can be difficult and how to handle those relationships. So, while there’s a time to hang on and extend grace, there’s also a time to walk away.

While I don’t think walking away from a friendship is unchristlike, I do think the way you go about it and the reasoning behind it can be.

When you’re a loyal friend who values the relationships you have with people, especially if the relationship has been around for many years, you may find yourself in this position a lot. You’re not sure when enough is enough. You’re wondering at what point you need to put up new boundaries and what those boundaries look like. You’re confused trying to figure out how a once healthy relationship is now hurting you all the time.

I understand it’s hard to know when to hold on and when to let go. It’s a tough battle that requires a lot of prayer and guidance, but can I encourage you on something? Sometimes you do need to let go. It doesn’t make you a bad person who lacks grace and it doesn’t make you unchristlike.  

When To Know It’s Time To Say Goodbye To A Friendship

Keep in mind a friendship you may be struggling with currently while you read the following list:

PURPOSE: What is the purpose of the friendship? Is it a mutual connection where both parties are equally invested in each other? Or, do you notice they only come around when they want something from you?

In college, I experience a friendship where the only time this person wanted to chat with me was when they needed a ride somewhere or if they needed a place to do their laundry. Any other time they weren’t invested. This type of friendships can cause you to be in a position where you are the only one giving and that will drain anyone.

While not all friendships start out this way, something can change in a person’s life that causes them to become needier. At times it can be a phase your friend is going through while they deal with life difficulties. However, some people only cultivate friendships based on need and when their needs change- their friendships change.

If your friend has shifted to only reaching out when they’re in need and this is unlike them, I encourage you to give them that time and prayerfully seek God for wisdom on when to talk about it with your friend if you feel a conversation is needed.

If your friend quickly showed this character trait in the friendship, pay attention to their other friendships. Do you see their relationships changing often? If you’re noticing them treat their other friendships in the same manner then you can have confidence in knowing this is the purpose behind their friendships and not genuine community.

When facing this type of friendship, changing your expectations will greatly help the constant feeling of disappointment. Shifting your side of the friendship will create new boundaries that protect yourself. This, more than likely, will cause a natural drift in the relationship because once your friend isn’t getting what they want, they will quickly move on to the next friend. They may not even realize the new boundaries and totally miss the natural separation because their so focused inward.

SINFUL TRENDS: Is there a common trend that occurs throughout your friendship that is sinful? Are you noticing your conversations shift to talking about others and often hear yourself or the other person say, “I’m only sharing this with you because it’s you, but don’t tell anyone else.”

There are friendships you have a closer relationship with where you don’t have to worry about having a strong filter or you know you can share more freely from your heart. But that is never an excuse for gossiping and sharing someone else’s private information.

Maybe you’re noticing a trend of jealousy from your friend. I’ve experienced friendships where comments were said to me from a heart of jealousy and hurt. It’s confusing at first and many don’t ever want to be the one to say that someone is jealous of them out of fear of sounding conceited. But can I remind you that jealousy and comparison is a tool the devil uses often? So if someone is making comments about your “perfect life” and using it against you, know that’s coming from a place of jealousy.

No matter what the sin is, if it has been frequent, and affecting your decisions and actions, boundaries and separation are needed. You need to protect yourself and guard your heart above everything. No matter how long you’ve been serving the Lord or how mature you are, everyone can easily fall into sin without boundaries.

Sometimes these friendships can stay intact if there’s a shift. Hanging out with this person with others around may protect gossip or other sins to occur since there are more witnesses. But, sometimes a clean break is needed. Scripture tells us to flee from all temptation (2 Timothy 2:22) so if someone or something tempts you to sin, run away. When a friendship has caused you to consistently sin, walking away from it will protect you and that person.

In this situation, a conversation should take place. Explaining you don’t want to talk bad about people or whatever the sin is, will help that person know the new boundary and gives them a chance to respect it. If they’re not respecting it or trying to push it from time to time, protect yourself and walk away peacefully and with love. Explaining your need to protect yourself will help the other friend have peace knowing why you’ve distanced yourself whether they like it or not.

REPETITION: Proverbs 27:17 explains friendship as iron sharpening iron. Meaning, it’s two people in a mutual friendship that is encouraging, respectful and cultivating one another to be better people.

When a friendship is centered around one person, isn’t encouraging or respectful, or encounters a lot of hurtful actions, it’s not possible to sharpen one another. When you’re constantly feeling the need to defend or explain yourself, or walk away from your time with them hurt by their words- the friendship is no longer producing fruit.

Whatever the repetitive behavior is, if it’s not cultivating an “iron sharpens iron” friendship, it’s best to peacefully distance yourself.

Friend, please hear my heart. I’m not saying to give up and walk away the second anything from the above list appears. People are all growing, learning, and maturing- no matter their age or place in life. People make mistakes and go through difficult times.

What I am saying is, you can’t be friends with everyone, so, choose your close friends wisely. Spend time with people who love you, encourage you, sharpen you, and where you walk away wanting to be more like Christ.

Some people are just not able to cultivate those types of friendships at the moment and they’re best to be loved from a distance and with boundaries.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

5 Comments


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Comments

  1. Cheks from thismamaandherkids says

    October 26, 2018 at 4:16 pm

    Thanks for sharing these thoughts. It’s such a difficult situation. I had it happen recently and I’m still scratching my head…trying to figure out how we got here. I did try to restore the relationship but couldn’t get through so I decided to stop trying. I decided a while back that I would no longer chase anyone and would stop investing in people that make me feel “less than”. It’s hard but I have more peace in my friendships!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      November 5, 2018 at 10:05 am

      Yes! That is such a great standard to hold yourself to and something I had to learn as well!

      Reply
  2. Katie at Pages & Puddles says

    October 26, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    These are great tips! It’s so hard when friendships change and you feel like they need to end. Having biblical advice on how to approach that decision is important.

    Reply
  3. Rachel says

    October 27, 2018 at 5:52 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this! A friendship ended a year ago and I know it’s for the best, but sometimes it hurts and makes me doubt. This post helped me to remember why the friendship did not work out in the first place. Thank you for sharing this. Losing a friend can be tough but Jesus is by our side through it all.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      November 5, 2018 at 10:05 am

      I totally understand what you’re going through. I too have been sad and hurt when thinking back on an ended friendship but when reminded why it ended, it gave me peace. There can be so much doubt in that process and that’s not always the easiest to navigate.

      Reply

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I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
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•
•
•
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HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
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HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
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Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
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I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
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If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
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If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
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Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
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My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
•
•

Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
•
•

But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
•
•

I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
•
•

I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
•
•

As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
•
•

Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
•
•
I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
•
•
Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
•
•
Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
•
•
Pure joy and love on his face. •
•
•
Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
•
•
After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
•
•
I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
•
•
Press in. •
•
•
And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
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Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
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Happy Easter!! •••• I met Jesus when I was Happy Easter!!
••••
I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
LINK IN BIO
Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
•
•
•
🎉🎉🎉
•
•
•
As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
•
•
•
I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
•
•
If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
•
•
If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
•
•
I pray this mini e-book will be an encouragement to your heart and for it to be a tool you use while you share the truths of Jesus with those around you. •
•
•
If you’re already subscribed, check your inbox!
•
•
•
If you're not a subscriber, click the LINK IN BIO and enter your email address.
Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
•
•

My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
•
•

Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
•
•

But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
•
•

I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
•
•

I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
•
•

As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
•
•

Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
•
•
I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
•
•
Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
•
•
Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
•
•
Pure joy and love on his face. •
•
•
Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
•
•
After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
•
•
I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
•
•
Press in. •
•
•
And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
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Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
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Love you, friend. ❤️
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