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Heather Margiotta

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You are here: Home / Relationships / Clean Your Heart Out: How To Stop Hiding Behind The Flaws Of Others

Clean Your Heart Out: How To Stop Hiding Behind The Flaws Of Others

in Relationships, Spiritual Growth on 10/18/18

Have you ever worried about what others think of you that you’ve gone to great lengths to protect it?

A few years back I was introduced to someone by a mutual friend. I spent time getting to know this person while slowly developing a friendship. Very early on I noticed anytime I said a word incorrectly, or did something that differed from this person, they would make fun of it. Often times pointing out things that weren’t necessary with the intentions to embarrass me and make themselves feel better.

If we were hanging out in each other’s home or in the middle of a restaurant- if they could make fun of me or belittle me- they would take the shot every single time. It caught me off guard at first but I quickly noticed this person did this towards everyone.

They were so consumed by not wanting others to see their shortcomings they were willing to say and do whatever to keep the eyes on the faults of others. As a result the friendship died pretty quickly.

Have you ever worried about what others think of you to the point where you let it control your actions? Or, even worse, you point your fingers at other people in hopes it keeps your outward appearance shiny?

I get it, you don’t want others seeing your faults. If you can cover them up just the right amount, then people will only be able to think good of you, right? The problem is, no matter how hard you try to cover up who you really are- what’s on the inside will always come out. 

Matthew 12:34-35 says, “…For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good person produces good things from the treasuring of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasuring of an evil heart.”

Maybe you’re struggling at maintaining deep friendships long term because you focus on their flaws to keep the eyes off of yours. Every time you try to connect with others you go back to your old habits that push others away.

Or you desire your marriage to be full of joy but instead, all you do is focus on the shortcomings of your spouse. You speak poorly about them and place all blame on their shoulders, yet you still can’t figure out how to get ahold of that joy.

You may look at the circumstances around you and wish for them to be different. You may desire better friendships, a healthier marriage, or for a different reputation. You wish to not live with the outcomes of your decisions and you don’t want others to see you for your faults so you spend time making sure you’re “acting” the way you think you need to.

No one wants others to think poorly of them. Everyone craves acceptance and love on varies levels. But, if perfection is your motivation to a stellar reputation it will never happen. No matter how much you change yourself or your actions to fit these false ideals- what’s in your heart will be the source of your reputation. And true heart change only comes from a desire to be more like Christ.

Friend, if this is something you think about often, can I encourage you to stop spending tending to your outside appearance and instead focus on the inside?

Not everyone is going to like you, no matter what type of character you possess. When you desire to hide behind the flaws of others for the sake of your perfect reputation- that will lead you down a spiral of people pleasing and hurting everyone you come in contact with.

If your craving for others to genuinely like you by hiding your flaws, go to scripture. Allow God’s Word to transform your mind and heart to turn that craving of acceptance into a passion and desire to live like Christ. You will no longer focus on the outside because your eyes will be fixed on Christ as He changes you from the inside out.

Matthew 23:25-26 says, “…For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup, but inside you are filthy… First wash the inside of the cup and then the outside will become clean too.”

The above verse is Jesus talking to the Pharisees as He corrected their way of judging others while ignoring themselves. But isn’t this true for us also? You don’t need to wear a mask of perfection to ensure your reputation. All you need to do is choose every day to live a life that honors the Lord. You’ll be surprised at how forgiving others can be when your flaws do make an appearance when your motive isn’t perfection.  

12 Comments


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Comments

  1. Dani Maddox says

    October 22, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    This is excellent and beautifully written! Are you a fan of Brene Brown?

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 23, 2018 at 12:37 pm

      Thank you, Dani. I have never heard of Brene Brown- tell me more?

      Reply
  2. Amy Hagerup says

    October 22, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    I just last week taught on Samuel anointing David and how he mistakenly thought Eliab would be the one God had chosen to be king. Then God said, “Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart.” Exactly what you are sharing with us here. Thanks so much.

    Reply
  3. Christine says

    October 23, 2018 at 12:20 am

    I often found myself consumed with how others viewed me until I grasped a deeper understanding of my identity in Christ.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 23, 2018 at 12:32 pm

      Exactly! The only way we can overcome that is what you said, a deeper understanding of our identity in Christ.

      Reply
  4. Carissa Shaw says

    October 23, 2018 at 10:57 am

    Really thought provoking! I realize now that I’m older that I used to say things to people that were actually pretty rude. It’s embarrassing to think about now! Usually it was because I was trying to be funny. People can use humor as a thing to hide behind when they lack confidence. Unfortunately, sometimes my humor was at the expense of others. God has really taken me on a journey and process of maturing and learning to be more empathetic; quick to listen, slow to speak.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 23, 2018 at 12:31 pm

      Thank you, Carissa for your kind words. I totally understand what you’re saying. I too can think back to the things I use to say and cringe. Thankfully God brings maturity and wisdom.

      Reply
  5. Heather Hart says

    October 24, 2018 at 10:12 am

    This is so good, Heather! It reminds me of the verse in Ephesians where it says to only speak what is profitable for building others up.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 25, 2018 at 12:17 pm

      YES! Great point, Heather!

      Reply
  6. Glenda says

    October 24, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    Thank you for the timely reminder that we cannot please God by trying to please others. Interesting side note: I posted a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt on this, this morning!?

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 25, 2018 at 12:17 pm

      I love when God places things in front of us multiple times to let us know He’s here.

      Reply

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Happy Easter!! •••• I met Jesus when I was Happy Easter!!
••••
I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
LINK IN BIO
Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
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🎉🎉🎉
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As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
•
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I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
•
•
If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
•
•
If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
•
•
I pray this mini e-book will be an encouragement to your heart and for it to be a tool you use while you share the truths of Jesus with those around you. •
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Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
•
•

My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
•
•

Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
•
•

But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
•
•

I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
•
•

I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
•
•

As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
•
•

Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
•
•
I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
•
•
Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
•
•
Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
•
•
Pure joy and love on his face. •
•
•
Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
•
•
After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
•
•
I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
•
•
Press in. •
•
•
And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
•
•
Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
•
•
Love you, friend. ❤️
Follow on Instagram
Happy Easter!! •••• I met Jesus when I was Happy Easter!!
••••
I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
LINK IN BIO
Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
•
•
•
🎉🎉🎉
•
•
•
As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
•
•
•
I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
•
•
If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
•
•
If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
•
•
I pray this mini e-book will be an encouragement to your heart and for it to be a tool you use while you share the truths of Jesus with those around you. •
•
•
If you’re already subscribed, check your inbox!
•
•
•
If you're not a subscriber, click the LINK IN BIO and enter your email address.
Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
•
•

My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
•
•

Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
•
•

But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
•
•

I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
•
•

I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
•
•

As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
•
•

Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
•
•
I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
•
•
Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
•
•
Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
•
•
Pure joy and love on his face. •
•
•
Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
•
•
After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
•
•
I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
•
•
Press in. •
•
•
And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
•
•
Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
•
•
Love you, friend. ❤️
Follow on Instagram

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