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Heather Margiotta

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You are here: Home / Grief / Breaking The Mother-In-Law Norm: What Losing My Mother-In-Law Taught Me

Breaking The Mother-In-Law Norm: What Losing My Mother-In-Law Taught Me

in Grief on 03/19/20

James and I, along with the rest of James’ family had to walk a very hard road of losing my mother-in-law. It was sudden, she wasn’t sick, and it took us all by surprise. The past two months have been surreal trying to process everything that has occurred. While it’s been heartbreaking and life-altering, I’m humbled and grateful to say God has done what He says He will do, which is to turn our mourning into joy. It’s not sudden, it’s a process, but through the tears and our hearts missing Robin, we have peace beyond understanding and unspeakable joy.

When I stood by Robin as she took her last breaths I told her she was my best friend, my second mother, who gave me the best husband a wife could ask for. I thanked her for loving me as her own, for raising her family in the Lord who in turn, has become my family. I told her how much I was going to miss her and I cannot wait until the day we’re reunited. I even joked and told her that maybe she will finally grow a few inches once she goes to heaven ;).

After James, the closest people in my life have been my mother and Robin. Robin has been my best friend for over half my life, I trusted her with our kids, more than I trusted myself. I confided in her regularly and sought her advice in almost every aspect of my life. She was quick to encourage me in everything I did and often, would show support by coming to church to hear me preach. When I shared with her how I felt the Lord leading me to a new ministry through writing, her immediate response was, “Oh, Heather, if you write how you preach you will do just fine!”

I’ve been beyond blessed to have been given two earthly mothers who love me, support me, and encourage me. The life Robin led has taught me an incredible amount. She showed me what it meant to fully live your life following Jesus every day, how to make your family a top priority by serving them and the true value of simply being kind to everyone. But, one of the most vital tools she gave me is how to break the mother-in-law stigma.

Not many can share the same feelings I have for Robin with their own mother-in-law. Over the years, I would often hear others say, “I wish I had in-laws like yours” or “I wish I was as close to my spouse’s family like you are.” Many of my friends have difficult relationships with their in-laws and it causes a lot of strife in their life. They’ve shared stories of the comments made by their in-laws, the struggles they have with their husbands not knowing how to handle the two most important women in their life, and their desire for peace and closeness that may never occur. My heart breaks for them as I see the constant struggle, the tug of war, and the burden it creates on their marriage. 

Maybe that’s you. If so, I want to encourage you. 

While you may never have the relationship with your mother-in-law your heart desires, that doesn’t stop you from one day being the incredible mother-in-law everyone hopes and prays for. The lack of love and support from your spouse’s family doesn’t prevent you from being a constant support and encouragement to your future or current son or daughter-in-law. While you won’t have given birth to them or even raised them, you can still have a strong influence on their life and be just as important to them as their own mother.

Currently, if you’re a mother-in-law, while I don’t know the specifics of your relationship with your son or daughter-in-law, whether it’s healthy or strained, you choosing to love and support will speak volumes and do so much more for your child and their family then you may even realize.

Maybe your son or daughter-in-law is not who you had in mind for your child. Maybe they’re distant because they’re not close with their own mother, or don’t know how to love a second one. Maybe their questionable choices worry you, or the fear of being replaced is saddening. 

Friend, if this is you, love them anyway. Consistently reach out, support, and love, even when it’s hard. A relationship founded on love will be able to withstand honest conversations and growth. If the fear of being replaced and trying to find your new position in your child’s life overwhelms your mind, can I encourage you with something? You will never be replaced. No one can replace the role of mom. Your child’s heart did not forget you and replace that space with their spouse, their heart just got bigger. 

The dynamics of your role in your child’s life will change as they grow, instead of seeing that as something sad, rejoice knowing you’ve done your job as a mother and that has brought them to this point of adulthood. Then, love them by loving their spouse.

I haven’t been through the stage of my children getting married to give a personal perspective, I haven’t even entered the dating stage yet. But, what I do know is I want to be as welcoming as Robin. The first time she met me she pulled me into a hug. She spent time talking to me and asking me questions for the pure purpose of getting to know me. As a teen, I would go over to visit James and would sit talking to Robin for hours. I never doubted her support for my marriage to her son, her support as me as a mother to her grandchildren, and her support to me as her daughter-in-law.

When I think about walking through the gates into Heaven I often imagine what it’s going to be like to see Jesus face to face. How alive I’m going to feel. But, I also think of the people I will finally be reunited with again. I think about looking around searching for my brother’s face and running into his arms. I think about all the things I can’t wait to tell him and to finally hear his silly laugh again. And I know Robin will be someone I’ll be eager to see again too. To hug her and know we will never be separated again. 

What a glorious reunion day that will be for us all!

Matthew 22:37 says, “Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”

5 Comments


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Comments

  1. Linda Jean Vanderveen says

    March 19, 2020 at 10:07 pm

    Love your writing Heather. So sorry about your mother-in-law, she sounds like a wonderful person.

    Reply
  2. Stacie says

    March 19, 2020 at 10:33 pm

    Thanks for sharing Heather!!

    Reply
  3. Cindy says

    March 19, 2020 at 10:47 pm

    I so love all ur writings
    God has given you a real gift n when you write that gift n anointing just flows through you n into all those who read it n hear it! I too had a moth in law with my ex husband that was my best friend n encourager I will be happy one day to reunite with her and the wonderful Christian parents that God gave me they are all in heaven with my sister too waiting for that glorious day! Maranatha!

    Reply
  4. Cindy says

    March 19, 2020 at 10:49 pm

    I wanted to add too my mother in law I have now too has been a true gift
    Bobbys mom is still living but we are more like friends or sisters than mother in law n daughter in law!
    I have been very blessed in my life time!

    Reply
  5. Rose says

    March 19, 2020 at 11:13 pm

    This was so beautiful Heather.

    Reply

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Happy Easter!! •••• I met Jesus when I was Happy Easter!!
••••
I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
LINK IN BIO
Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
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•
🎉🎉🎉
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As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
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•
I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
•
•
If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
•
•
If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
•
•
I pray this mini e-book will be an encouragement to your heart and for it to be a tool you use while you share the truths of Jesus with those around you. •
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If you’re already subscribed, check your inbox!
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If you're not a subscriber, click the LINK IN BIO and enter your email address.
Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
•
•

My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
•
•

Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
•
•

But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
•
•

I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
•
•

I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
•
•

As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
•
•

Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
•
•
I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
•
•
Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
•
•
Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
•
•
Pure joy and love on his face. •
•
•
Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
•
•
After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
•
•
I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
•
•
Press in. •
•
•
And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
•
•
Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
•
•
Love you, friend. ❤️
Follow on Instagram
Happy Easter!! •••• I met Jesus when I was Happy Easter!!
••••
I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
LINK IN BIO
Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
•
•
•
🎉🎉🎉
•
•
•
As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
•
•
•
I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
•
•
If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
•
•
If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
•
•
I pray this mini e-book will be an encouragement to your heart and for it to be a tool you use while you share the truths of Jesus with those around you. •
•
•
If you’re already subscribed, check your inbox!
•
•
•
If you're not a subscriber, click the LINK IN BIO and enter your email address.
Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
•
•

My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
•
•

Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
•
•

But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
•
•

I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
•
•

I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
•
•

As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
•
•

Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
•
•
I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
•
•
Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
•
•
Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
•
•
Pure joy and love on his face. •
•
•
Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
•
•
After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
•
•
I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
•
•
Press in. •
•
•
And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
•
•
Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
•
•
Love you, friend. ❤️
Follow on Instagram

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