Have you been hurt by girlfriends? Me too.
Have you been the one that has hurt your girlfriends? Yeah, me too.
It can be incredibly difficult to meet new people and build friendships as an adult. It takes a lot of time and energy that many of us struggle to give. It’s easy to isolate yourself. It’s easy to tell yourself that all your free energy goes towards your family. It’s easy to allow yourself to work extra hours so conveniently you are “too busy.” It’s scary to be vulnerable and to offer your friendship to others. It opens up the chance of rejection, hurt, and fearing what others will think of you.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women say “I’m not a girl’s girl” or “Girls are too emotional for me, I just can’t get on board with that.” Friend, we should be a girl’s girl and we need to get on board with that. Christ has called all of us to build relationships with one another. He has also called us to encourage and lift others up. We can’t be friends with everyone and the truth is, there will be some women we click with more than others, and that’s OK. When it’s not OK is when we stop supporting, caring, loving, and encouraging other women.
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
I don’t want to ignore how real the struggle can be to have deep intentional friendships. It can be hard to make time, it sometimes is nice to be alone, and you aren’t always going to get along with everyone. But, despite our fears, busy schedules, and past hurts, scripture is clear that we have a calling of fellowship on our Christian life.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another…”
I’ve always had a desire to have deep friendships with other women. I spent many years praying for God to bring strong women into my life and at times I felt incredibly lonely and taken for granted in my current friendships. But, I didn’t give up because I truly wanted to pursue real friendships.
I started by stepping out of my comfort zone. I would start conversations with strangers, ask acquaintances to coffee and invite them out with my other friends. I would ask them about their lives, marriages, dreams, and struggles. I was intentional about getting to know them on a deeper level. My best friends weren’t developed overnight, it took time. It was the time that I gave when I was tired, busy, and wanted to stay home that cultivated the deep friendships I had been praying for. If you find yourself in the position wanting deeper relationships with women and feel like you can’t because you aren’t a “girl’s girl,” please know that you can be. You can be a woman who loves, encourages, and values the other women in your life.
Do you ever hear people talk about how friendships should only be “positive” and if someone isn’t then we shouldn’t surround ourselves near them? I believe this is why many women will say they aren’t a “girl’s girl.” They think they want friends who are only positive, won’t question things, and show minimal emotion. The truth is, our friends shouldn’t be positive, they should be encouraging. Positive is surface level, sometimes not genuine, and can be a facade masking the truth. Encouragement is deep, always genuine, and shines a light on truth.
We can’t run and hide every time someone hurts us. We need to forgive and continue to pour into others. There are times where you may have to close a door on a friendship but it should never be done out of jealousy, anger, or because you aren’t a “girl’s girl.”
There are women who are seeking the type of friendship you can give. There are women praying for Godly friendships that you can truly offer if you allow yourself to become a “girl’s girl.” Let’s get on board with that!
As you know, I have a Word Of The Year and this year’s word is Walking In His Promises. I want to invite you on this journey and pray that 2018 will be a year of Walking In His Promises!
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Keisha Russell says
It is so important to build good, healthy and God aligned relationships with other women. I know that we have all struggled to some degree with this, or I know that I have, but God has recently opened my eyes. I love how you shared that you “stepped out of your comfort zone,” that is a must! We have to step out, meet new people and allow God to open doors for amazing relationships.
Amen to God opening doors!
Such important and essential messages you’ve shared here. We Christians NEED to be lights in this world – and it should show in our words and our actions. Above all, forgiveness is critical – because He forgave us… we must forgive too.
Thank you for these reminders.
YES! Such a NEED!
This is an area I’m definitely not great at. I don’t seek out girlfriends well. This is an area that I need to pray about more – for God to guide me and lead me to encouraging and loving Christian women.
Praying with you sister!
Kay (A Ranch Mom) says
Wow! This is such a good word. Thank you for sharing your heart. I have certainly been on both ends of that stick.
God has been teaching me a lot about forgiveness and reaching out through pain, in faith that HE will fulfill the needs of my heart.
It is so hard to reach out while in pain.
Beauty Bulletins says
I loved this. We are like minded. Well done.
Alice Mills says
My women friends tend to be friends for life. But I often let God guide the process. He calls us to real friendships, like the one He had while He walked the earth. But the older Inget, the more cautious I become. I am friendly to all, deeps friends with few.
Yes, friendly to all and deep with a few is key!
Melody Balletto says
I never developed relationships with women when my husband was living. Honestly the day he passed my whole world changed and instead of fighting it, I embraced the change. Now I have several friendships I’m working on. I find that I enjoy hearing their stories and encouraging them
My next step is to start a ladies bible study on the love of Jesus. All you said is true, it takes time and energy to develop solid frienships, but if I can do it while homeschooling and raising 6 kids on my own, we can all do it! Thank you for the exhortation Heather!
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. What a tough journey.
How great it is that you are working on new friendships and leading a Bible study! Blessings to you!
Heather Hart says
I am not a girls-girls. At all. However, I still co-lead the women’s ministry at my church with a girls-girl. There are some events that she is super excited about, and I am super not. It’s not because someone hurt me and I’m trying to hide, it’s because I am an introvert and it’s just not my personality. I think it’s important that our women’s ministry embraces women with all personality types, not just Type A. I do try to cross the divide and build relationships on both sides, but I also try to encourage women who are more extroverted, “girls-girls” to cross the divide the other way and love on the girls who may not feel comfortable in large groups. Because we are called to share burdens and love one another.
I agree with embracing all types of personalities, not just Type A. When I say we should be a “girl’s girl” I don’t mean that we should be Type A and a girly girl. I mean we should embrace other women and support them as their sister in Christ and not negate friendships with women completely in our lives. I mentioned this in the post; we can’t be friends with everyone and we will click with some more than others. But we need to encourage and love ALL women =) Blessings over your women’s ministry!
Holly Lasha says
This is a great reminder of how important it is to have healthy positive relationships!!!
Thank you for this post! Since we’ve moved it’s been hard to make friends, but am I putting myself out there enough?
I need to make more of an effort, I’ve been hurt in the past. I need to let go of the past! Thanks for the encouragement!
It is hard to have friends when moving. We moved 3 times in the last 8 years, so I know how hard it is to connect with others. I’m sure God will bless you with wonderful friendships!
Love this! To seek encouraging relationships rather than just positive ones because we need to be told when we are going off the deep end. I, too, prayed for deeper friendships and God answered me with three amazing women that not only constantly encourage me, but they always tell me the truth. Thank you for this!
Praise God for blessing you with friendships!
Katie Braswell says
You are so right. It is very important to have fellowship with others and other believers. One great thing you touched on was the ability to forgive and move on. This is so important in any relationship. Also, it’s so important to surround ourselves with others that aren’t just like us. Opposites strengthen one another. Where one lacks, the other fills in. Where they both lack, only God can fill in! <3 This is a beautiful message, and one I am learning as I continue to grow in Christ.