Have you been hurt by girlfriends? Me too.
Have you been the one that has hurt your girlfriends? Yeah, me too.
It can be incredibly difficult to meet new people and build friendships as an adult. It takes a lot of time and energy that many of us struggle to give. It’s easy to isolate yourself. It’s easy to tell yourself that all your free energy goes towards your family. It’s easy to allow yourself to work extra hours so conveniently you are “too busy.” It’s scary to be vulnerable and to offer your friendship to others. It opens up the chance of rejection, hurt, and fearing what others will think of you.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women say “I’m not a girl’s girl” or “Girls are too emotional for me, I just can’t get on board with that.” Friend, we should be a girl’s girl and we need to get on board with that. Christ has called all of us to build relationships with one another. He has also called us to encourage and lift others up. We can’t be friends with everyone and the truth is, there will be some women we click with more than others, and that’s OK. When it’s not OK is when we stop supporting, caring, loving, and encouraging other women.
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
I don’t want to ignore how real the struggle can be to have deep intentional friendships. It can be hard to make time, it sometimes is nice to be alone, and you aren’t always going to get along with everyone. But, despite our fears, busy schedules, and past hurts, scripture is clear that we have a calling of fellowship on our Christian life.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another…”
I’ve always had a desire to have deep friendships with other women. I spent many years praying for God to bring strong women into my life and at times I felt incredibly lonely and taken for granted in my current friendships. But, I didn’t give up because I truly wanted to pursue real friendships.
I started by stepping out of my comfort zone. I would start conversations with strangers, ask acquaintances to coffee and invite them out with my other friends. I would ask them about their lives, marriages, dreams, and struggles. I was intentional about getting to know them on a deeper level. My best friends weren’t developed overnight, it took time. It was the time that I gave when I was tired, busy, and wanted to stay home that cultivated the deep friendships I had been praying for. If you find yourself in the position wanting deeper relationships with women and feel like you can’t because you aren’t a “girl’s girl,” please know that you can be. You can be a woman who loves, encourages, and values the other women in your life.
Do you ever hear people talk about how friendships should only be “positive” and if someone isn’t then we shouldn’t surround ourselves near them? I believe this is why many women will say they aren’t a “girl’s girl.” They think they want friends who are only positive, won’t question things, and show minimal emotion. The truth is, our friends shouldn’t be positive, they should be encouraging. Positive is surface level, sometimes not genuine, and can be a facade masking the truth. Encouragement is deep, always genuine, and shines a light on truth.
We can’t run and hide every time someone hurts us. We need to forgive and continue to pour into others. There are times where you may have to close a door on a friendship but it should never be done out of jealousy, anger, or because you aren’t a “girl’s girl.”
There are women who are seeking the type of friendship you can give. There are women praying for Godly friendships that you can truly offer if you allow yourself to become a “girl’s girl.” Let’s get on board with that!
As you know, I have a Word Of The Year and this year’s word is Walking In His Promises. I want to invite you on this journey and pray that 2018 will be a year of Walking In His Promises!
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