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Heather Margiotta

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You are here: Home / Grief / Why You Should Stop Apologizing Every Time You Cry

Why You Should Stop Apologizing Every Time You Cry

in Grief, Relationships, Spiritual Growth on 04/19/18

If you apologize every time you cry in front of others or prevent yourself from crying, this is for you:

Do you feel embarrassed or even silly when you cry in front of people?  Then, catch yourself saying sorry.

I was sitting with a group of women sharing from my heart and I started to cry. I apologize multiple times while I was talking because internally I felt silly.

Once I was done, the lady next to me started sharing from her heart and started crying too. She apologized and I immediately touched her arm and said, “It’s OK.” Then, when she was done she apologized again. I told her it was OK once more but also mentioned how it’s funny I’m telling her it’s OK when I did the same thing.

When I see someone getting emotional and crying, I don’t think anything of it. I don’t think they’re silly. I don’t think they’re being overly emotional. And I don’t definitely don’t think they’re weak.

If anything, when someone cries while sharing from their heart, I see the heaviness of whatever it is they’re carrying. I see their strength as they deal with what life, unfortunately, gave them. If it’s happy tears, I see their passion coming through. I never once think less of them. Rather, I think highly of them.

So why is it when it’s our turn to cry- we apologize?

Christ cried- multiple times in scripture. God gave us these emotions and when they’re expressed in a healthy way- there’s nothing to apologize for.

This all came to a head for me while I was chatting with a new friend. She asked me some questions about a subject that is still hard for me to talk about. I cried while answering and halfway through apologized. When I got off the phone I told James about this amazing conversation but brought up how annoyed I was that I cried. He said, “I don’t know why that bothers you so much. There’s nothing wrong with it.” And at that moment I knew he was right.

I had remembered all the times I cried and apologized. I remembered how often I’ve heard other women apologize too. I wanted to pray about why I feel this need to apologize. Ask Him why I don’t like to be vulnerable in front of others while I highly appreciate when others are.

After spending time with the Lord, He showed me a time in my life where I was made to feel less than, silly, and immature for crying. He reminded me of the many conversations and comments made by a certain person over a period of time. Their own insecurities were poured out on me because I was the “student” and this person was the “mentor.” These comments were made in private and public- often leaving me feeling embarrassed. Without even realizing these words were still in my head.

I was placing the opinions of others higher than the opinion of Christ. I was excusing myself for showing emotions and there is nothing about that to apologize for.

I once shared with a close friend/mentor of mine about how I hate crying in front of people. Whenever I talk about the Lord I get emotional (hello Jesus tears!). She told me how she use to feel that way too until one day something changed that. She said she was praying at a women’s event and started crying. She then apologized for it, like so many of us do. Afterward, a lady came up to her and said to never apologize for being sensitive to the Lord. That she used to cry too and was so insecure about it she prayed for God to take away her tears. Since then, she hasn’t cried for over forty years. She regrets that prayer and encouraged my friend to not run from those emotions. To not be ashamed to have a sensitive heart towards the Lord.

Maybe there was someone in your life who made you feel crying wasn’t acceptable.

Maybe you had parents who didn’t allow crying or expressing emotions so, you grew up expected to keep them to yourself.

Maybe, like me, you had someone close to you express their dislike when you opened up or even teased you because of it.

Or simply, you’ve seen so many others apologize that you do too and you don’t even know why.

Perhaps, you’re on the other side- you never allow yourself to cry or show emotions in front of others, so you don’t need to apologize but the reasoning for not showing emotion is the same.

So when the time comes and you start sharing from your heart and tears arise. Don’t apologize for them. Remember that your heavenly father gave you the ability to cry and your savior cried too.

John 11:35 says, “Jesus wept.”

16 Comments


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Comments

  1. Angelica Schoeppner says

    April 19, 2018 at 12:05 pm

    thank you for sharing this! I too struggle with this. I was bullied in middle school for crying when someone hurt my feelings, so I learned to bottle it in. Two days ago I lost my first dog to kidney disease. He was only 4 and much more than a dog. He was the child I haven’t been able to conceive, a best friend, and my service dog for anxiety and sensory processing disorder. I find myself appologizing for breaking out in tears when I talk about how I feel like there is a hole in my heart now. Thank you for these true words, I needed to hear this today <3

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 20, 2018 at 2:01 pm

      I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. What a precious bond you formed with him. I’m praying for healing and wholeness!

      Reply
  2. Emily | To Unearth says

    April 19, 2018 at 2:40 pm

    How freeing to know, especially as women, we don’t need to apologize for our tears! Thanks for this encouraging article!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 20, 2018 at 1:55 pm

      Freeing is a great way to describe it!

      Reply
  3. Becky says

    April 19, 2018 at 3:43 pm

    I feel like this is really important. We live in a culture that tells us we are too emotional or that showing emotions is the equivalent of showing weakness. I love your take on why we never have to apologize for being sensitive to the Lord.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 20, 2018 at 1:54 pm

      Yeah, the culture can be negative around crying. We need to change that!

      Reply
  4. Melissa says

    April 19, 2018 at 5:08 pm

    I’m not a stranger to crying – as a therapist I sit with other’s tears usually multiple times a day. And a vast majority of them apologize for crying. I’ve also mentioned the fact that Jesus wept. But we also discuss the cathartic nature of tears. There is a relief and a calm that takes place after a good cry. It’s a healing response.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 20, 2018 at 1:53 pm

      I totally cry when I see other people hurting and crying.

      Reply
  5. Alice Mills says

    April 19, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    Oh, I am a big crybaby. It is sometimes embarrassing but I read that it is the strong people who cry. So I let myself weep when I am sad and even sometimes when I’m happy.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 20, 2018 at 1:53 pm

      Yeah, I’ve read the same thing!

      Reply
  6. Julie says

    April 19, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    I cry more often the greater I’ve grown in faith. Experiences move me to tears.
    I love how you explained not feeling bad. Seeing that emotion could bring others to faith!
    Great post!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 20, 2018 at 1:52 pm

      Yes! The more I grow and see God, I can’t help but be brought to tears when I talk about it. It’s like I’m so full of love and appreciation I can’t help it haha!

      Reply
  7. Heather Hart says

    April 20, 2018 at 11:31 am

    I can totally relate to this! I remember several years ago when I a friend was sharing something and my tears started to flow. I apologized and she said not to because she loved me heart. That my deep love and tender heart was a gift from God and I should never be ashamed of that. It’s taken a long time for me to really embrace that, but her words have never left me.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 20, 2018 at 1:52 pm

      YES! I totally know what you’re saying here. I’ve had the same experiences and totally value when someone says that.

      Reply
  8. Blessed Mess says

    April 22, 2018 at 4:19 pm

    I know mine is from my dad – he seemed to (still does) think that mine, my siblings, and even my Mom crying was somehow an accusation towards him and us being manipulative. We were constantly told “Don’t start that crying crap”.

    Thank you for reminding me again that God gave me tears for a reason and I am free to use them as an outpouring of my emotional responses of all kinds.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 23, 2018 at 12:04 pm

      Thank you for sharing. I think many people can relate to your experience. And yes, you are free to cry!

      Reply

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I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
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HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
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HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
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Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
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As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
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I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
•
•
If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
•
•
If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
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Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
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•

My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
•
•

Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
•
•

But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
•
•

I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
•
•

I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
•
•

As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
•
•

Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
•
•
I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
•
•
Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
•
•
Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
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Pure joy and love on his face. •
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Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
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After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
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Press in. •
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And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
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Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
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Happy Easter!! •••• I met Jesus when I was Happy Easter!!
••••
I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
LINK IN BIO
Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
•
•
•
🎉🎉🎉
•
•
•
As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
•
•
•
I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
•
•
If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
•
•
If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
•
•
I pray this mini e-book will be an encouragement to your heart and for it to be a tool you use while you share the truths of Jesus with those around you. •
•
•
If you’re already subscribed, check your inbox!
•
•
•
If you're not a subscriber, click the LINK IN BIO and enter your email address.
Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
•
•

My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
•
•

Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
•
•

But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
•
•

I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
•
•

I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
•
•

I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
•
•

As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
•
•

Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
•
•
I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
•
•
Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
•
•
Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
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Pure joy and love on his face. •
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Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
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After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
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I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
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Press in. •
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And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
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Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
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Love you, friend. ❤️
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