If you apologize every time you cry in front of others or prevent yourself from crying, this is for you:
Do you feel embarrassed or even silly when you cry in front of people? Then, catch yourself saying sorry.
I was sitting with a group of women sharing from my heart and I started to cry. I apologize multiple times while I was talking because internally I felt silly.
Once I was done, the lady next to me started sharing from her heart and started crying too. She apologized and I immediately touched her arm and said, “It’s OK.” Then, when she was done she apologized again. I told her it was OK once more but also mentioned how it’s funny I’m telling her it’s OK when I did the same thing.
When I see someone getting emotional and crying, I don’t think anything of it. I don’t think they’re silly. I don’t think they’re being overly emotional. And I don’t definitely don’t think they’re weak.
If anything, when someone cries while sharing from their heart, I see the heaviness of whatever it is they’re carrying. I see their strength as they deal with what life, unfortunately, gave them. If it’s happy tears, I see their passion coming through. I never once think less of them. Rather, I think highly of them.
So why is it when it’s our turn to cry- we apologize?
Christ cried- multiple times in scripture. God gave us these emotions and when they’re expressed in a healthy way- there’s nothing to apologize for.
This all came to a head for me while I was chatting with a new friend. She asked me some questions about a subject that is still hard for me to talk about. I cried while answering and halfway through apologized. When I got off the phone I told James about this amazing conversation but brought up how annoyed I was that I cried. He said, “I don’t know why that bothers you so much. There’s nothing wrong with it.” And at that moment I knew he was right.
I had remembered all the times I cried and apologized. I remembered how often I’ve heard other women apologize too. I wanted to pray about why I feel this need to apologize. Ask Him why I don’t like to be vulnerable in front of others while I highly appreciate when others are.
After spending time with the Lord, He showed me a time in my life where I was made to feel less than, silly, and immature for crying. He reminded me of the many conversations and comments made by a certain person over a period of time. Their own insecurities were poured out on me because I was the “student” and this person was the “mentor.” These comments were made in private and public- often leaving me feeling embarrassed. Without even realizing these words were still in my head.
I was placing the opinions of others higher than the opinion of Christ. I was excusing myself for showing emotions and there is nothing about that to apologize for.
I once shared with a close friend/mentor of mine about how I hate crying in front of people. Whenever I talk about the Lord I get emotional (hello Jesus tears!). She told me how she use to feel that way too until one day something changed that. She said she was praying at a women’s event and started crying. She then apologized for it, like so many of us do. Afterward, a lady came up to her and said to never apologize for being sensitive to the Lord. That she used to cry too and was so insecure about it she prayed for God to take away her tears. Since then, she hasn’t cried for over forty years. She regrets that prayer and encouraged my friend to not run from those emotions. To not be ashamed to have a sensitive heart towards the Lord.
Maybe there was someone in your life who made you feel crying wasn’t acceptable.
Maybe you had parents who didn’t allow crying or expressing emotions so, you grew up expected to keep them to yourself.
Maybe, like me, you had someone close to you express their dislike when you opened up or even teased you because of it.
Or simply, you’ve seen so many others apologize that you do too and you don’t even know why.
Perhaps, you’re on the other side- you never allow yourself to cry or show emotions in front of others, so you don’t need to apologize but the reasoning for not showing emotion is the same.
So when the time comes and you start sharing from your heart and tears arise. Don’t apologize for them. Remember that your heavenly father gave you the ability to cry and your savior cried too.
John 11:35 says, “Jesus wept.”
Angelica Schoeppner says
thank you for sharing this! I too struggle with this. I was bullied in middle school for crying when someone hurt my feelings, so I learned to bottle it in. Two days ago I lost my first dog to kidney disease. He was only 4 and much more than a dog. He was the child I haven’t been able to conceive, a best friend, and my service dog for anxiety and sensory processing disorder. I find myself appologizing for breaking out in tears when I talk about how I feel like there is a hole in my heart now. Thank you for these true words, I needed to hear this today <3
I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. What a precious bond you formed with him. I’m praying for healing and wholeness!
Emily | To Unearth says
How freeing to know, especially as women, we don’t need to apologize for our tears! Thanks for this encouraging article!
Freeing is a great way to describe it!
I feel like this is really important. We live in a culture that tells us we are too emotional or that showing emotions is the equivalent of showing weakness. I love your take on why we never have to apologize for being sensitive to the Lord.
Yeah, the culture can be negative around crying. We need to change that!
I’m not a stranger to crying – as a therapist I sit with other’s tears usually multiple times a day. And a vast majority of them apologize for crying. I’ve also mentioned the fact that Jesus wept. But we also discuss the cathartic nature of tears. There is a relief and a calm that takes place after a good cry. It’s a healing response.
I totally cry when I see other people hurting and crying.
Alice Mills says
Oh, I am a big crybaby. It is sometimes embarrassing but I read that it is the strong people who cry. So I let myself weep when I am sad and even sometimes when I’m happy.
Yeah, I’ve read the same thing!
I cry more often the greater I’ve grown in faith. Experiences move me to tears.
I love how you explained not feeling bad. Seeing that emotion could bring others to faith!
Yes! The more I grow and see God, I can’t help but be brought to tears when I talk about it. It’s like I’m so full of love and appreciation I can’t help it haha!
Heather Hart says
I can totally relate to this! I remember several years ago when I a friend was sharing something and my tears started to flow. I apologized and she said not to because she loved me heart. That my deep love and tender heart was a gift from God and I should never be ashamed of that. It’s taken a long time for me to really embrace that, but her words have never left me.
YES! I totally know what you’re saying here. I’ve had the same experiences and totally value when someone says that.
Blessed Mess says
I know mine is from my dad – he seemed to (still does) think that mine, my siblings, and even my Mom crying was somehow an accusation towards him and us being manipulative. We were constantly told “Don’t start that crying crap”.
Thank you for reminding me again that God gave me tears for a reason and I am free to use them as an outpouring of my emotional responses of all kinds.
Thank you for sharing. I think many people can relate to your experience. And yes, you are free to cry!