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Heather Margiotta

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You are here: Home / Spiritual Growth / FOUR Types of A Critical Spirit: How You May Be One And Not Even Realize

FOUR Types of A Critical Spirit: How You May Be One And Not Even Realize

in Spiritual Growth on 07/19/18

Have you ever been hurt by the words of others? Can you think back on a time where someone made a comment to you that you still think about from time to time all these years later?

What if you were the giver of those words? What if when someone answered the questions above you were the one they thought of?

Recently, I shared how I had to deal with the spirit of criticism. I explained what it looked like and the damage it had done to my self-esteem. I also described the process I had to go through to heal and find my identity in Christ and not the words of others.

But what happens when you’re the critical person?

A critical spirit is meant to destroy. Words have the power to crush, condemn, and tear down someone (Proverbs 15:4). It’s possible you could be a person with a critical spirit and not even realize it. I know this because at one time that was me.

As a teen, I was very critical. I would speak poorly of others that I was often envious of. I was quick to see the negative and point it out. I wanted others to see how “bad” someone else was in hopes they would like me more.

After meeting Jesus, He changed this part of my heart. Over the years I started to see the good first and called out the positive in others or situations.

One day my brother came home and told me he had started dating a girl I may know and that he was going to bring her over sometime to meet our parents and myself. A few days later he brought his new girlfriend over and I said hi and offered some cookies that I had just baked. She was super shy and I thought nothing of it. Later on that evening, my brother returned from taking his girlfriend home and he shared something with me that I’ve never forgotten.

He said when he went to pick up his girlfriend to bring her over, he shared with her who I was and that I was his sister. She immediately responded by saying, “Heather is your sister?!” My brother said yeah and asked why she seemed upset by that. She told him that I use to be so mean to her that she was afraid of me. My brother, confused, responded by saying, “What? My sister? She’s the nicest person I know?” My brother said that’s why she was so shy when she came over because she was nervous to be around me.

I stood there stunned not knowing what to say. How on earth could someone think that of me? That night I was praying and asking God to show me how this was possible and if I had done something to make her feel that way. God then reminded me of what I was like prior to knowing Him. He reminded me of the harsh words I would share daily and how this girl stood on the sidelines and watched me spew them everywhere I went.

Most of the time, someone who has a critical spirit doesn’t even realize. They don’t see how their words are being perceived and how they affect those that hear them. There are different types of criticism and if we’re not careful about guarding our heart or mind we could easily possess any of them.

The FOUR Types of Critical Spirits

1. The Gossiper: The gossiper is the one who loves to know the secrets of others so they could be the one to share it. This is done with a sinful motive and without the consent of the person who the information belongs to. The gossiper likes to appear powerful or be a source of all knowledge to make themselves feel important. They will often put themselves in conversations to purposely gain information while simultaneously thinking about who they could share it with.

Proverbs 11:13 says, “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.”

2. The Judge: The judge has a harsh critical point of view. They often can’t see the viewpoints of others because theirs is clearly the right one in their eyes. They tend to see the mistakes of others and exaggerate them while excusing their own shortcomings. They will often embellish their knowledge in subjects as a way to defend their point of view or level of intelligence.

James 2:13 says, “For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.”

3. The Slanderer: The slanderer is someone who makes false statements for the purpose of damaging another person’s reputation. This person will often make statements against those they are jealous or envious of. They will try to get the attention off of their errors by making false claims about others.

Proverbs 10:18 says, “He who conceals hatred has lying lips, and he who spreads slander is a fool.”

4. The Complainer: The complainer is someone who’s always negative about the lives of others and their outlook on life. Everyday tasks that others don’t think twice about are something a complainer will focus on. When asked if they’re excited or hopeful they will find something negative to focus on instead. They often express their discontentment and lack a heart of gratitude towards blessings.

James 5:9 says, “Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door.”

It may be hard reading that list and seeing yourself relating to some of those characteristics. It may even be an eye-opener. My heart in sharing this as someone who was the one delivering words of criticism and also on the receiving end of them- I had no clue how harmful the words really were until the damage was already done.

I spent years allowing Christ to transform my heart to be more like Him and years healing from the hurtful words of others. Next week we will talk about the motives behind a critical spirit and how to overcome it.

If God could take me- a negative, critical word spewing mess and transform me. He can for you too.

Luke 6:45 says, A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

27 Comments


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Understanding The Motives Behind A Critical Spirit And How To Overcome It »

Comments

  1. Susan Evans says

    July 19, 2018 at 12:14 pm

    I see myself in the description you have of “judge.” Recently I read a Scripture about the fact that we will be judged the way we judge, so I want to be more merciful, even to people who are doing wrong.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 20, 2018 at 11:22 am

      Amen! Being merciful and showing grace!

      Reply
  2. Brandon Adams says

    July 19, 2018 at 12:37 pm

    I’ve been #2 for far too long, and yes, it’s difficult to spot it until someone else calls it out for you. Painful moment.

    I also found an interesting side effect: that I was just as harsh on myself as I was on others. More so, perhaps. And that doesn’t work either, because it’s a rejection of God’s grace for us. Awful way to live!

    Accepting the cross means embracing his grace, both for us and for others.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 20, 2018 at 11:21 am

      I do believe that is a commonality with #2. Those who judge others tend to be a tough judge on themselves. Thank you for reading!

      Reply
  3. Julie says

    July 19, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    Thank you for this insightful post! I think I’m one or two of these;(
    I know God can help me transform!

    Reply
  4. Amy Hagerup says

    July 19, 2018 at 8:13 pm

    Wow! You gave each one pretty strong names! Good for you. We must not harbor sin in our lives. Thanks for such a clear presentation.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 20, 2018 at 11:20 am

      Thank you for reading, Amy. Each name was inspired by scripture. I do believe we need to call it what it is so others can see it for what it really is and choose to walk in Jesus and not in sin.

      Reply
  5. Cheks from thismamaandherkids says

    July 19, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    Sobering list to check myself against. I love how God uses adversity to mold us to be more like Him and develop empathy towards others. Nothing like the “humility from trouble” to strip us of much of this.

    Reply
  6. Crystal Russell says

    July 20, 2018 at 12:31 pm

    This is so good. Thanks for sharing. I think we all need to check ourselves from time to time. This can sneak up on us

    Reply
  7. Melissa Henderson says

    July 20, 2018 at 5:20 pm

    Sometimes criticizing ourselves and/or others can be easy. Afterwards, the feelings are awful. Shame, regret, remorse. When I am hard on myself and complain about something I can’t do anymore, I try to remember all the things I can still do. Even if I can’t run or lift objects like I did in the past, I can still show God’s love to others and to myself. 🙂

    Reply
  8. Christina says

    July 20, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    I fit in a couple of those categories. Thank you for pointing out in my own life how to pray to be more like Jesus.

    Reply
  9. Candice says

    July 21, 2018 at 4:40 pm

    Thank you for lifting up this reminder to us-I pray to be less critical, and to remember that I need God’s grace just as much as anyone else. I saw myself in number one-and this is something I have been working on for some time. Lord thank You for Your grace, mercy, and forgiveness!

    Reply
  10. Elizabeth Ramsey says

    July 25, 2018 at 11:22 am

    What an amazingly self-aware post! I too was quite critical as a teen. Likely falling into the complainer (self-pity) and gossip (low self esteem) camps. Life becomes so much better when you can get over these self-destructive behaviors! And you can overcome them – either through religion, as you have or through mindfulness and an active willingness to change and practice new, more productive thought patterns. Great post!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 25, 2018 at 3:22 pm

      Thank you, Elizabeth!

      Reply
  11. Nicky says

    July 25, 2018 at 11:53 am

    I appreciate the reminder that no matter how long we’ve walked with God, and no matter how far we might feel we’ve come, it’s never a good idea to think we’ve arrived. I agree that we need to assess from time to time and consider how we affect others.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 25, 2018 at 3:21 pm

      Amen!

      Reply
  12. Traci says

    July 25, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    I appreciate how you broke these down. Few things are more habit-forming than a critical spirit. My young daughter and I have been talking about this extensively, and it helps me examine my own thought patterns and words. Thank you for this reminder. Trusting God to continue to do his work in us.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 25, 2018 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you for reading, Traci.

      Reply
  13. Carmen says

    July 25, 2018 at 2:34 pm

    Wow! Great post. Such a eye opener to self reflect. I remember years ago when I first came to Christ, my mother told me I had responded poorly to someone, I persisted that I wasn’t rude, I was just being bold and honest, my mother said, if that was so, then it would have been more graceful. She explained to me, what I thought was always to be bold and honest came off to be rude sometimes. I was hurt by this because I never wanted to be like that, especially as a new Christian, I knew it was an area in my life I did not want anymore. So, I asked my mom that day to pray for me to see the things I was blind to, that the Lord would open my eyes spiritually to the things that needed to be removed from my life. My mother instantly hugged me and began to pray that prayer. I was so blessed for that step of growth as a Christian. To love His people with a clean heart and tongue!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 25, 2018 at 3:20 pm

      Thank you so much, Carmen, for your story and testimony. What a great lesson you learned and others will learn from your willingness to share.

      Reply
  14. Kristi Woods says

    July 25, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    Good word. I’ll be pinning this one. I roll around on the mat far too often with a critical spirit. I love how you immediately sought the Lord’s wisdom concerning your brother’s girlfriend. He truly has all the answers, doesn’t He? #goJesus Visiting via Grace Girls

    Reply
  15. Joy says

    July 25, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    http://heathermargiotta.com/four-types-of-a-critical-spirit-how-you-may-be-one-and-not-even-realize/

    Reply
  16. Timberley @ Living Our Prioritites says

    July 25, 2018 at 4:55 pm

    This is so thought provoking and encouraging. I know it can be a touchy subject but you wrote it with so much conviction and grace. Loved it. Sharing with our Living Our Priorities community. Stopping by from By His Grace Bloggers.

    Reply
  17. Tanya says

    July 26, 2018 at 12:25 pm

    I can see myself in all 4 categories. I’ve at one point or another been them all. Even to this day I find myself slipping into old patterns.

    It is a life long journey for me. But ???? percent worth it.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  18. Robert says

    July 27, 2018 at 6:20 pm

    Thanks for the post! Definitely can relate to this and have been thinking about this too. I think I can fall into #2, but sometimes inwardly #4. It’s not that I will say things out loud, as I’ve learned that complaining about situations is not good, but sometimes I can think it without verbalising, and I don’t think that is healthy either.

    Our words are very powerful. We have the power of life and death in our tongues, and the ability to speak words of life into being.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 30, 2018 at 11:45 am

      I love the point you made about the words in your head are still unhealthy whether you speak them or not.

      Reply

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Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
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During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
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Happy Easter!! •••• I met Jesus when I was Happy Easter!!
••••
I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
LINK IN BIO
Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
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🎉🎉🎉
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As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
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I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
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If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
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If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
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I pray this mini e-book will be an encouragement to your heart and for it to be a tool you use while you share the truths of Jesus with those around you. •
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If you’re already subscribed, check your inbox!
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If you're not a subscriber, click the LINK IN BIO and enter your email address.
Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
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My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
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Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
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But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
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I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
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I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
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I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
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I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
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I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
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As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
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Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
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I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
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Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
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Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
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Pure joy and love on his face. •
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Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
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After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
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I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
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Press in. •
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And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
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Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
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Love you, friend. ❤️
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