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Heather Margiotta

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You are here: Home / Relationships / Learning How To Not Give Up On Difficult People

Learning How To Not Give Up On Difficult People

in Relationships, Spiritual Growth on 03/29/18

When you’re faced with disagreements or difficulties in a friendship, how do you respond?

Do you “Fight or Flight?”

I tend to be a runner. When I’m hurt or things become hard- I withhold my feelings. I don’t take the time to talk things through and this causes me to slowly pull away. This creates distance within the friendship and eventually, this distance grows until the friendship fizzles away.

Have you ever believed the lie that you should only surround yourself with “positivity?” And that positivity is more important than pursuing a deep friendship?

Some friendships may require you to give more than you get. While this may be hard, it reminds you that not everything is about you. It gives you an opportunity to pour into someone else and to give without a return. This will grow and challenge you to still find fulfillment in that type of relationship.

I’ve walked away from friendships prematurely. I should have fought more for the friendship and not been so quick to pull away. I have nowhere near perfected this but it’s something I’m trying to work on. Why?

Because in my relationship with Christ, I am that difficult person and He hasn’t given up on me. Christ has shown love and compassion and I am called to give my love in the same way.

Do you know someone who doesn’t invest as much time into the friendship like you do?

Do you know someone who is stubborn and won’t admit when they’re wrong, even when they know you’re hurt?

Do you know someone who reaches out only when they need something from you?

These people are difficult but they aren’t toxic. Toxic people are those who purposely seek out ways to hurt you and others around them. Difficult people are the ones who are working through hurt in their own life. So we shouldn’t give up on them.

Can I gently remind and encourage you that Jesus didn’t give up on the difficult people?

So neither should you.

Peter was friends with Jesus and he failed miserably. Yet, Jesus didn’t take that as a sign to dump Peter off to the side. Jesus chose to trust and love Peter after the ultimate sign of betrayal. However, Jesus forgave, saw the good and entrusted Peter with a lot. He did not give up on Peter when things became hard.

Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.”

These relationships, whether they’re friends, family members, or spouses need one thing; your love. They don’t need you to run away from them. They don’t need you to dwell on who they are or aren’t.

We need to remember that these people aren’t perfect, just like you and I.

You will have friends who hurt you. You will have friends who will make you question your trust in them. This doesn’t mean they’re toxic. It means their human. I wish I could stand here and tell you I’ve never failed as a friend, but that’s simply not true. And neither is it true for you.

As you read this today and think about your most difficult relationship, does frustration and a desire to quit come to mind? I want to encourage you that although that relationship may feel draining, God can still use you. He may use you to speak truth and encouragement over their lives. He may use you to show them what patience and grace look like. And remember, there more than likely was a time when you were the difficult person and there were people who never gave up on you.

If you haven’t heard:

The Friends on Purpose Project

It’s a 28 day Facebook group designed to inspire, encourage, and challenge you to make in-person friendships. Your guides will be nine incredible women – writers, activists, and business owners – who are passionate about community.

We’re starting on Friday, April 6th and we hope to see you there! If you’d like to join The Friends on Purpose Project, Click Here.

This project will feature amazing women, tools to engage with others, encouragement as you seek new friendships or deepen the ones you have, and there will be lots of amazing giveaways.

As a special bonus, when you join Friends on Purpose Project you will receive a FREE monthly printable calendar!

34 Comments


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Comments

  1. Ashley says

    March 29, 2018 at 6:40 pm

    I know way to many difficult people! I needed to read this. Thanks. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Kristy Bullard says

    March 29, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    Sometimes this is a real challenge for me. I want to be forgiving and compassionate, but I don’t like to be around people who are verbally abusive or overly offensive. It can be tough to decide to cut ties with certain people.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:59 pm

      You make a great point. I do think there is a difference between someone being difficult verses verbally abusive and overly offensive. I think we can still show love to those people but we also need to protect ourselves.

      Reply
  3. Julie says

    March 29, 2018 at 9:38 pm

    Yep, I give up on difficult people or I draw back and put up a wall. This is a great reminder of how Jesus treated difficult people!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:58 pm

      Yes! I am the same so It’s def. hard at times.

      Reply
  4. Lisa Rios says

    March 29, 2018 at 10:29 pm

    Dealing with difficult people is so hard sometimes. These are all helpful tips and I like to forgive, because sometimes they don’t know better. 🙂

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:58 pm

      Amen!

      Reply
  5. Emily Fata, www.EmulatingEmily.com says

    March 29, 2018 at 11:53 pm

    This is very true. I’m the type of person who will give someone more chances than I probably should, and who will fight to keep a friendship alive. However, over the years, I’ve learned that sometimes it’s best to let people go and not hurt yourself emotionally (referring to people who have done the same repetitive negative behaviour for years on end).

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:57 pm

      I agree. I am the same way with giving many chances and have been hurt because of that. However, I also think that when the hurt happens the friendship can pivot and doesnt have to completely go away.

      Reply
  6. Gladys Parker says

    March 30, 2018 at 1:14 am

    Just when I am getting pretty good at this getting rid of negative/toxic people thing God puts this in my face. It is so hard to love negative people. I know negativity is just one part of them where being controlling is one of mine. I guess I better pray about this one 🙂

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:56 pm

      Blessed to hear how God used this for you in your life. There def. are friendships that are for only a season and some friendships need to be altered so you don’t get hurt.

      Reply
  7. Cris says

    March 30, 2018 at 2:01 am

    I think this is what makes real and long friendship last: you shouldn’t give up on your true friends no matter how difficult they are. And you do have some great tips for this!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:56 pm

      Yes, and even though some friendships are only for a season- knowing it didn’t end because you didn’t fight for it is important.

      Reply
  8. Melinda says

    March 30, 2018 at 7:08 am

    I’ve been lucky with my friends, to find ones who I’ve connected with and stayed friends. Family, on the other hand, I’ve had some difficulty keeping good relationships with each member. At times, I’ve wanted to give up on them, but eventually I recommit and work to recover the relationships. A couple are still a work in process, but I think we’re getting there.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:55 pm

      Family is always…. a different breed. haha. They can require much more work for sure.

      Reply
  9. Corina says

    March 30, 2018 at 9:00 am

    I tend to turn away from people when they become difficult but you have given me some food for thought…I will review my friendships and see if I pulled away too fast at times…

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:54 pm

      Same here. I’ve had to reevaluate and come to terms with the idea that I’ve given up too easily.

      Reply
  10. Melissa says

    March 30, 2018 at 10:58 am

    I’m so glad you made the distinction between difficult people and toxic people. There is a large difference!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:53 pm

      Yes! And I’m not sure if people realize that honestly.

      Reply
  11. Heather Hart says

    March 30, 2018 at 11:01 am

    As an introvert, the simple act of showing up is often the hardest for me, but real friendships are so worth it.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:53 pm

      Yes, I believe that is common for a lot of people honestly. Life gets busy and for a natural introvert- showing up would take a lot of effort. So when my introverted friends do, I appreciate it!

      Reply
  12. Evelyn, PathofPresence ???? says

    March 30, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    Thank you for this beautiful reminder to be gentle, with self as well as others. Indeed, we are all works in progress! Staying present to what is unfolding in the moment requires practice, and the gifts are plentiful when we muster up the courage to say “Yes!” to love.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:52 pm

      Amen!

      Reply
  13. Elizabeth O says

    March 30, 2018 at 1:48 pm

    I’m definitely for fight over flight! The friends on purpose project sounds like a really lovely idea 🙂

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:52 pm

      Thanks, hope you join us!

      Reply
  14. Nicole Shillings says

    March 30, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    Friendships can be challenging at times. But sometimes you need to let that person be who they need to be and love them anyway.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 30, 2018 at 3:51 pm

      Yep, agreed!

      Reply
  15. Danielle Thomson says

    March 30, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    This can be difficult, but I’m definitely the type of person who will fight for my friendships until it gets to the point where I can’t give any more. My friends are in my life because I saw something special in them and that’s worth fighting for!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 31, 2018 at 12:01 pm

      Thank you for sharing ????

      Reply
  16. Holly Lasha says

    March 31, 2018 at 12:54 am

    I think I’m a runner. I love your perspective on this…so much to think about.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      March 31, 2018 at 12:01 pm

      Thank you!

      Reply
  17. Esme Sy says

    April 1, 2018 at 11:54 am

    Not only that, but what I know from Jesus and from other good men alike is that they never focused on the negatives, they were all a case of things that pass through. Definitely love the meaning of this post, having said my point it does not mean that we can’t stop and ask ourselves those questions.

    Reply
  18. Debbie says

    April 10, 2018 at 9:41 am

    This was just what I needed to read today. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      April 10, 2018 at 12:24 pm

      That’s amazing to hear! Thank you for sharing =)

      Reply

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I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
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I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
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I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
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My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
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I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
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In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
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In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
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So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
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Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
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As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
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Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
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Press in. •
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Happy Easter!! •••• I met Jesus when I was Happy Easter!!
••••
I met Jesus when I was 14 years old. My brother invited me to church with him, I went, listened, and was given a Bible at the end of the service. ••••
I remember coming home and sitting on my bed with my new Bible in my hand. I sat there thinking of everything I was told that night and how it reminded me of everything I was taught when I was a little girl. ••••
After sitting there for awhile, I prayed for the very first time. Out loud I said, “OK God, if you are who they say you are, then why would you send your son to die for me, why wouldn’t you just die for me?”
••••
Immediately, and when I say immediately I truly mean with no hesitation a thought came into my mind. I heard, “Doesn’t a parent love their child so much that they would die for them? I love you so much more then that, that I would allow my child to die for YOU.”
••••
I knew the thought that had entered my mind was not from me. I knew it was God speaking directly to me. Since that day, I’ve followed Jesus, learning more about Him, and have dedicated my life to sharing about eternal life through Christ and all the goodness He is. ••••
The world will tell you religion is all about rules and what not to do. Can I personally tell you, that is not true. Following Jesus has given me freedom to truly live. I GET to do things because of Jesus. ••••
I get to love others because Jesus taught me how to love. 
I get to give to others because Jesus has given so much to me. 
I get to truly forgive because Jesus forgave me. 
I get to heal from the hurts life has thrown at me because Jesus has healed me. 
I get to live a life full of JOY because joy comes from Jesus! 
And sooo much more! ••••
My prayer for you is to passionately serve Jesus, have eternal life through Him, and to truly experience what is feels to live a life of freedom.
••••
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I spent a semester in Israel during my college yea I spent a semester in Israel during my college years @seuniversity. It was two months after James and I got married so, our first few months as a married couple were spent walking the same streets of Jesus. To say it was a cool experience would be an understatement. •••••••
During my time in Israel there were two moments that took my breath away. One of those moments was being in the literally prison hole that Jesus stayed in the night before He died. •••••••
Historical sites are given a grading scale. An A site is “this is for sure the site that XYZ took place.” An B site is “XYZ took place here OR there” And a C site is “XYZ took place somewhere in this region.” •••••••
Jesus holding cell is an A site. •••••••
I stood in the prison with my fellow students and professor and his family. We sang the hymn - “I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.” It was the only time there I wept like a baby. Snot and all haha! •••••••
But man, to be where your savior was knowing what was to come and He chose to do it anyways. I’ve never felt more love in that moment then I have in my entire life. ••••••••
So today, my prayer is for you to feel that same love. To know Jesus died today for YOU and that He came back for YOU! You are His chosen child. •
•
•
•
•
• •
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like t I don’t believe we will ever be in a time like this again; where we’re forced to stay home, have no schedule, and simply enjoy each other. •
•

My heart is with all those who are working in the medical field and all the families affected by COVID-19. We lost my uncle this morning to this horrible virus. I’ve been praying for my family and yours and will continue to do so. •
•

So, I want to serve you and since i cannot physically be there with you, I can pray for you. How can I be praying for you today?
•
•
HEATHERMARGIOTTA.COM
I posted last night how I would be sharing with yo I posted last night how I would be sharing with you today what the beginning of 2020 held for my family which caused me to take a pause on writing. •
•

In January we lost my sweet mother-in-law very suddenly. It was a shock to us all and has taken us a bit to wrap our minds around. •
•

In addition to the loss of my mother-in-law, we’ve been navigating some health struggles. Now, with everything going on in our world, I can say it’s def been a year so far. •
•

But, God is good. If it’s not good- then it doesn’t come from God. The enemy is very real but nothing to fear because our God is bigger. •
•

So, Today, I want to take a moment to share with you what losing my sweet mother-in-law has taught me. It’s something we can all learn from and I hope it blesses you and encourages you. •
•
LINK IN BIO
Hi, friend. I know it’s been awhile and I have Hi, friend. 
I know it’s been awhile and I have a post going up tomorrow that explains what the beginning of 2020 has held for myself and my family. 
But, I wanted to get one here tonight to share something that has been on my heart. 
You cannot turn on the TV or pick up your phone without the word “COVID-19” blaring at you. While it’s wise to be informed, these are times many can become anxious, full of fear, and worry. 
Friend, this is our time. And what I mean by that, it’s the Church body’s time. It’s our time to rise up and praise the name of Jesus louder then any other name or word. 
Can I remind you that Jesus conquered every sickness and disease! 
Every. Single. One. 
When He died on that cross. 
And He rose again. 
There are a lot of different beliefs on healing, authority, and what role it plays in our life today. I want to encourage you to seek Jesus through His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to His truth. 
When you find yourself reading this, do me a favor and pause. Look up Psalm 91. Read it, listen to it on repeat on the Bible app, and dwell in the presence of God. 
And then, wake up tomorrow knowing you are a child of the most high King- who rescues you from every attack of the enemy, who protects you from deadly diseases, who is covering you with His feathers and providing you shelter. 
I love you, friend. I’m praying for you.
It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE! It's 2020 and with a New Year comes a new FREEBIE!
•
•
•
🎉🎉🎉
•
•
•
As a THANK YOU for being here AND being an email subscriber you will receive Loving The Life You Live E-Book with a printable Manifesto for FREE!
•
•
•
I've spent the past few months writing on 9 simple truths to knowing who you are in Christ. •
•
•
If you’ve been a follower of Jesus for some time, my hope is this book will be a reminder of God’s truth on who He says you are in His eyes. •
•
•
If you're new in your relationship with Christ or are still trying to figure it out and need a little more guidance on finding out who you’re  created to be, this book will be perfect for you. •
•
•
I pray this mini e-book will be an encouragement to your heart and for it to be a tool you use while you share the truths of Jesus with those around you. •
•
•
If you’re already subscribed, check your inbox!
•
•
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Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 b Everyone is sharing their top 9 photos from 2019 but I’m going to share my number one photo for this year. This photo represents an answer to prayer in my life and reminds me of the love and faithfulness of my Savior. •
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My family and I just got back from spending a week in South Carolina for Christmas with my parents. •
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Today was a day full of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting back into our normal routine. •
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But, this morning while everyone slept I spent time praying and drinking some coffee. I have so many ideas, goals, and big dreams for my blog and this ministry. •
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I thought about my reader who has used my blog posts to build a women’s ministry curriculum for her neighboring village in western part of Kenya. •
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I thought about my reader in Papua New Guinea who is new in her faith walk and a simple google search looking for more of God’s word led her to my site. •
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I thought about my reader who leads her local church with her husband here is the USA and was looking for a fellow female Christian to connect with and have a space to talk about things she can’t with those around her. •
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I thought about my reader who was diagnosed with a life altering illness and found my site while searching for scripture on healing. •
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I thought about you. The one who has visited and read time and time again. Who has listened while I shared from the deep parts of my heart on the struggles, the wins, the rejections, and the answered prayers of my life. Who has sent encouraging messages, shared feelings, and prayers. Who has in turn opened up to me and shared from the depths of their heart. •
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As you know, I refer to my readers as ‘friend’ and that’s because a friend shows up, listens, encourages, shares, and prays. So, thank you. Thank you for being a friend. 
I’m looking forward to this new year with you as I share more of what God continues to lay on my heart. I’ll continue to look forward to hear from you as we do this journey of life together. •
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Love you friend.
Hi, friend. • • • I’ve been taking things Hi, friend. •
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I’ve been taking things slow over here to enjoy as much of this baby season as humanly possible. Getting to hold and kiss Colton everyday, all day long is a huge blessing I don’t want to take for granted. •
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Because of that, my writing and speaking have been moving slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with James the tug and pull I feel everyday, each week. There’s so many things I want to be doing, creating, sharing but I have to pick and choose right now. •
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Tonight, I was feeding Colton before putting him to bed. When he was done with his bottle I sat it down but kept holding him while finishing a tv show. I heard him cooing and I look down and this precious face was staring up at me with the sweetest smile. •
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Pure joy and love on his face. •
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Friend, here’s your friendly reminder to keep on praying and believing that God has already won the battle, flattened the mountain, and straightened your path. •
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After 2 and 1/2 years of barrenness and praying for this beautiful baby, my Heavenly Father so lovingly answered my prayer with the sweetest boy. •
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I feel closer to Jesus because I pressed into Him during my waiting season and I want the same for you. •
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Press in. •
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And when your prayer is answered: enjoy. every. part. of. it. •
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Even if that means other things need to move slower. •
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Love you, friend. ❤️
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