Foster Forum Q&A

Over the past few weeks I have taken the time to collect everyone’s questions that they posted here, on Facebook, Instagram, or e-mailed me. There were so many great questions that I have broken this up into two parts. I should start by saying that I am not an expert in this field. I am a mother who has fostered, adopted, and worked for a Foster Care Agency. My answers are my own from experience and research. My hope is this will help families who are thinking of adopting help them make their decision.

1. What is the difference between State and Private Adoption?
   • Private Adoption is when a mother chooses to put their child up for adoption. The reasons differ since every person and their life differs. Depending on the state and agency, these mothers can have a say on who their child goes to. A State Adoption is when a child is taken away from the mother due to some form of abuse. The mother did not or could not complete the plan that state put in place to be given their child back. At this point a judge will sever the mother’s parental rights. The child is then up for adoption to any relatives first, if there are none then it is open to the public. It should also be noted that it is possible for a mother to place their child for adoption through the state and give away their rights.
2. Why would someone choose Private Adoption over State Adoption or vise versa?
   • There really is no way I can answer this as a blanket statement since everyone’s reasoning’s on why they adopt and which avenue they take is so personal. For us, we adopted through the state because we were fostering a kid who became adoptable. Some may choose State Adoption since the overall cost is much cheaper. Some may choose Private because they want to be able to be there for the birth if they are choosing to adopt an infant. Some may choose one over the other because they don’t know the other option exists. If you are wanting to adopt, do as much research as possible, talk to as many people as you can, and make the decision that is best for your family.
3. When you adopt through the State are the kids always older?
   • Nope. In  the eyes of adoption a child who is “older” is considered to be the age of 5 and above. There are newborns available all the way to 17 year olds.
4. Can you adopt infants through State Adoption?
   • Yes. There are infants who are placed in foster care. These infants are taken because the mother was more than likely tested positive for drugs while delivering. If there was not drugs present and the child is taken there has to be some sort of extreme situation where the state feels they can take the child from the mother right away. Many babies are sent home with their mother and because the mother has other kids in the system they get checked in on and they find something going on in the home that is not safe for the baby so they remove the baby immediately.
5. How much does State Adoption cost?
   • This is all based on the state. Arizona will provide an attorney for free and refund up to $2,000 of non recurring costs during the adoption process. Ohio does not offer a attorney for free but they suggest one who charges minimally. Ohio refunds up to $1,000 in non recurring costs. Generally speaking, a person will spend $0 to a few hundred if the state refunds the non recurring costs.
6. How much does Private Adoption cost?
   • This all depends on where you are adopting from and what state you are adopting in. Generally, the cost starts at $25,000 plus. This is for domestic adoption. When you adopt overseas it is a whole other process and so different since every country has its own process or no process at all.
7. When a child is adopted are they allowed to see their mom or siblings?
   • It depends. If it is a private adoption the birthmother and adopting family come to agreement on what level of relationship will be allowed. With State adoption the mother cannot see their child unless the adopted parents allow it. If they try and see the child before the child is 18 and without consent they can face criminal charges. With siblings and state adoptions the adopting parents have the say on what type of relationship there will be if any. Adopting parents are allowed to refuse their child to see their siblings.
8. How do you become a foster parent?
   • There are classes and certain health and financial requirements based on the state and agency you go through. A simple google search for foster care agencies in your area will help you get started. I suggest talking to multiple agencies and asking many questions. Then, choose the agency that you feel fits best with your families needs and wants. Always ask questions and never take a silent answer for an answer. Always push for an answer even if you have to ask it multiple times.

9. If you are adopting a small child when should you tell them they are adopted?
   • If you are adopting a child who is young enough to not understand what is going on then I suggest that you always keep it open and honest. If a child grows up knowing they are adopted it will just be apart of their life and their story. If they have no clue and are told when they are much older they will not only experience all the emotions of being adopted but also feeling lied to. This is just my opinion and of course you should do what is best for your family.

10. I am curious about adoption, is it too personal to ask someone questions about adoption and their experience?
    • I never find it wrong to ask a parent about their adoption experiences. However, please keep in mind if the child is around it is probably not best to ask questions. I am very open about my experiences and journey. However, there are certain things I do not want to be talked about in front of M. Some families may be open and upfront. Some may only be open with people they are comfortable with. Others may not want to talk about it at all. All you can do is ask a simple question, “What had adopting been like for you?” or “Can you tell me what it is like to adopt, I have always wanted to know!” and let their answers guide the conversation. You will be able to tell if it is welcomed or not.

If any of these questions sparked more questions feel free to ask away! Next week will be the rest of the Q&A.