We read all about the joys of motherhood and the incredibly difficult times no one can prepare you for. We share stories about motherhood with each other while we laugh and cry together. We joke about the ways we’re similar or different to our own mother and cringe at times when we know in our core we sound just like her.
But, what about the woman who doesn’t have a mother?
What about the woman who is currently in the thick of parenting and navigating that journey without their mom?
What about the woman who grieves the loss of their mother and cries knowing her mother won’t be there to watch her children grow up or who never even had the chance to meet them?
Maybe you struggle daily to keep the peace between you and your mom. You may barely speak to her, are estranged from her, or wish you could have one more day to look your mother in the eyes and say, “I love you.”
It breaks my heart to see close friends miss out on something so complex, deep, safe, and beautiful. It stings to see friends hurt when their own mother hurts them. It sad when I hear others talk about their lack of understanding when they see a mother/daughter relationship. It pains me to see friends grieve the loss of their earthly mothers.
The other day when my mother left town, after spending ten days with us, I was feeling sad and wishing we lived near each other again. I thanked God for our relationship and how deeply she loves my children. Right after, God reminded me of you- the motherless. The women who have a hole in their heart and pain due to the actions or loss of their mother.
Sweet friend, I want you to know that I’ve been thinking of you. If you’re reading this today and you don’t have a relationship with your mother or she’s no longer living, please know I’m praying for you.
I pray God heals any hurt that may be present, for reconciliation to be extended. I, also, pray God works in your relationship with your children so they will find a friend in you when they become adults.
Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
If for numerous reasons a healthy relationship isn’t possible or if your mother has passed- know God will send a new earthly mother your way.
Someone who will love you, encourage you, speak life over you, bring safety, and build you up.
Titus 2:4 says, “These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good…”
There are women who, as mentioned in Titus, can train, encourage, teach and counsel you in a motherly way. These women have lived longer, experienced more, and have a unique perspective you can gain from. These women can love you, support you and your marriage, and be a grandmother to your children. These women will pray for you, have the tough talks with you, and be just as proud of you as they would their own biological child.
I want to encourage you to seek out that “Titus Women.” Pray for God to bring a spiritual mother into your life and for Him to give you the discernment while navigating those relationships.
To my friend whose mother has hurt them: The void you feel when you miss out on that mother/daughter relationship is real. When you see your friend’s mothers come over to babysit, or when they call their mother when they’re happy or sad, or when they get to experience everyday life with a loving mother- that disappointment you feel for not having the same experience is valid. When you struggle to comprehend what it’s even like to have a healthy relationship with your mother and can’t relate to your friends- that’s understandable. The hurt is deep and can cut you to your core.
Please know, just because your mother has failed you doesn’t mean God has. He can fill the void, clear that confusion, and heal any hurt or pain you feel. He can take that hurt and pain and use it for good in your life (Romans 8:28).
To my friend whose mother is no longer living: It was never God’s desire for your mother to pass. It was never part of His will or design. Life is unfair while we live in a world that is broken and full of sin. The tears you cry while you miss your mother don’t go unnoticed. The feeling of loneliness, while you face life events, are not unseen. When the longing for the love, support, and friendship found in a mother is strong- know Christ is close to your hurting heart (Psalm 34:18). He sees you, carries your pain, and will bring you a godly earthly mother to fill that missing piece. He will bless you abundantly in this area if you ask Him to.
Today, receive the healing God has for you. Walk in freedom from the pain your mother may have caused. Walk in peace and comfort while you grieve the loss of your mother.
While God brings an earthly mother your way- press into her wisdom and learn from her. Invite her into your life and give her the space. Because one day- you can be the “Titus Women” to a young lady. You can help fill that void and love someone as they navigate through life without their biological mother. You can be the mother to someone who so desperately desires one.